Self-esteem. Everyone seems to agree on its importance, but what is
it exactly? Self-esteem is simply the way we feel about ourselves-how much
we value our own inner qualities.
A person with high self-esteem is confident, generally optimistic,
and considers the world a good place to be.
Self-esteem is the foundation of psychological health. Without it
your children simply won't be able to build the happy, productive life you
envision for them.
Here are a few other characteristics of someone who has high
self-esteem.
No one is born with self-esteem. It's concocted from scratch by the
significant people in our lives, particularly during the early years of
childhood. Experts generally agree that the first five years of a child's
life are the most critical in the development of self-esteem. The
messages a child receives from age one to five will greatly determine his
level of self-esteem for the rest of his life.
Self-esteem is the result not only of verbal messages we receive, but
of the nonverbal signals as well. And this begins during infancy. Babies
don't understand words but instead react to our body language and tone of
voice. Most people seem to grasp this instinctively. They touch babies
lovingly and pitch their voices higher when speaking to them.
But for some reason we tend to forget the importance of body language
as our children grow older. We stop hugging them. We often use a harsh
tone when we speak to them. We frown at them, or fail to look at them at
all. These nonverbal messages speak volumes to our children.
It is human instinct to rely on what experts call "pre-language" in
our communications with others-regardless of our age. Experts estimate
that around 90 percent of communication is the result of body nonverbal
cues.
What is your nonverbal "language" telling your child?
Children are sensitive not only to body language, but to the "energy"
in a home--positive or negative. Parents may genuinely love their child,
but if they fight constantly with one another, their children may not feel
loved. In their own childishly narcissistic way, they blame themselves for
their parent's battles, and their self-esteem plummets.
Some child development specialists even say that boys named after
their fathers may absorb insults aimed at their namesake. The child can't
separate their father's identity from their own. For example, if in a
disagreement with her husband, a child's mother says "Face it, Frank.
You're worthless. You're a failure," Frank, Jr. may be injured by the
insult. This theory warrants further study.
Gillian Butler and Tony Hope, authors of Managing Your Mind,
list the
signs of low self-esteem as follows:
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