The mirror technique is based on a psychological principle called projection. The things you don't like about yourself and have rejected becomes part of your shadow self. It is there but you can't see it. These traits are then projected onto people around you. In other words, the world becomes your mirror.
When you are extremely upset or angry over something your child did,
it may be because the incident has resurrected an old pain. You can
usually recognize when past events are triggering your reaction because
the emotion is often accompanied by a physical sensation, such as a
twisting in the gut or the sense that blood is rushing to your head. When
that happens, take a time out. Ask yourself the following
questions:
Try using the mirror technique (also called projection). When you see something you don't like in
someone else, ask yourself if it represents some trait within yourself
that you don't like or have rejected. For example, if your child is
caught cheating on a test, do you patiently talk to your child to find out
why they felt the need to cheat? Or do you overreact, yell, and generally
lose control?
If you overreact, you need to find out why. Ask yourself some
questions? Where have you cheated (or wanted to cheat) within your own
life? Maybe you cheated on a test when you were in school and were
punished severely for it. Or maybe you cheated on your income taxes once,
or cheated a friend in a business deal-and never admitted to wrong
doing.
Once you understand this technique you will be amazed at what you
discover about yourself. (It also works in reverse. If you admire
someone else, you also have that trait within yourself. You just may not
have discovered it yet.)
Debbie Ford has written an excellent book which simplifies this
mirror technique. In The Dark Side of the Light Chasers she
provides many
exercises that help to reclaim not only our dark side but our light side
as well. She teaches that each unacknowledged trait must be identified, we
must find the gift attached (and there is always one), then we must learn
to love that part of ourselves. As we do, we can begin to heal.
Life is a series of lessons that are selected just for us. Each
lesson will continue in different forms until we learn the objective. If
you are unhappy with your life, you are the only one who can change it.
How? The single most important thing you can do is to change your
thoughts. I know that it seems so simple, but it's not! It will be the
single most difficult thing you ever try to do. (Our thoughts have power that we can only
imagine.) I'm not talking about changing your thoughts for a few days,
but for a lifetime. There are many excellent books that will explain the
importance of thoughts and how they affect your life. Personally I
recommend anything by Wayne W. Dyer or Louise Hays. (Managing Your
Mind
by Gillian Butler, Ph.D. and Tony Hope, M.D. is also an excellent
reference.)
A section has been included at the end of most chapters that includes
alternative medicine techniques that will enhance and speed up the healing
process. I have included Homeopathy, Jin Shin Ki (a combination of Jin Shin Jyutsu and
Reiki), acupuncture, aromatherapy, music therapy and Yoga. I have chosen
these approaches because they are the methods I have used and are
therefore most familiar with. Any type of energy work speeds emotional
healing by making the memories easier to access. Other methods you might
choose to explore could include Tai Chi, Qi Gong, massage, and water
therapies.
The most precious gift we can give to our children is a childhood as
free of emotional pain as possible. It's the most precious gift we can
give ourselves as well. Begin today to heal yourself so that you and your
child can become whole.