Now that you know what a good friend is, how do you go about making friends? Some people seem to have a knack for it. Others can’t think of anything to say, or are overcome by fear or shyness. If you are in this last category you must do some inner work to overcome the fear or shyness. Affirmations can help. So can journaling your feelings. Write about how scared you are and how you feel when you try to talk to someone. Can you remember the first time that you were embarrassed in a social setting? If so, try to deal with those feelings by doing the therapeutic mental touch. And remember that many people are uncomfortable when talking to someone for the first time. If that person doesn’t want to talk to you, the world will not end. Just gracefully tell yourself, “Oh well, there’s a person out there just waiting to be my friend,” and move on. Because there is someone out there who is waiting for you to find them!

There are several easy steps to making friends once you have the courage to talk to someone. It is easier to strike up a conversation with a new, potential friend if you have something to talk about. Try to get your mind off yourself and how nervous you are, and concentrate on the other person. People love to talk about themselves. Let them.

Conversation starters—things to talk about:
1. Ask the person their name. If it’s an unusual name ask questions about it. Who were they named after? Tell them you like their name. How do they spell it?
2. Compliment them. Everyone wants to feel good about themselves. Do you like their hair or fashion sense? Find something positive to say. But don’t make something up. Nobody likes a phony.
3. Ask about any hobbies. People love to talk about their interests. If it happens to be something you are interested in you already have a common bond. Friendships have been built on less than that.
4. Do they have pets? Everyone with a pet has tons of stories they want to tell. And you will have stories to tell too.
5. Do they have brothers or sisters? Do they get along?
6. If you are in the same class at school or work together, you already have things to talk about. Ask for advice about the teacher or the boss. Ask for tips to help you fit in better.
7. If you can’t decide if the person wants to talk to you, smile and look them in the eye. If they look back at you and smile, go for it. They are willing to talk.
8. Smile at people and they generally will smile back. This is a skill you can cultivate. People will think you are friendly even if you are shy and nervous. Remembering to smile is one of the easiest ways to make yourself more approachable. If you smile enough, people will begin to come to you to start a conversation! (Of course, the reverse is also true. Frowning will make you seem unapproachable. So don’t!)

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