It's not easy to find a good friend. But to have a good friend, you must first be a good friend. What does it mean to be a good friend? What traits or characteristics do good friends have?

Sometimes when you first meet a person, something clicks. You know immediately that you like this person and want to be their friend. Other friendships grow slower and take time to build. Either way is just fine. The important thing is that each person is getting what they need from the relationship.

There needs to be an open flow of communication between friends. If one person does all of the talking, while one person does all of the listening, the friendship won't last long. You may have a talent for listening and may not mind the imbalance at first. But eventually you will need someone to talk to. And if your friend won't, or can't, listen you may need to find another friend. Some people find that they have several different friends who supply different needs. For example, you may have friend you confide in, and another friend who loves to go shopping, while another friend loves to play video games. As long as everyone is comfortable with this arrangement (and no one's feelings gets hurt) this is fine. But when you find one person who supplies all our needs, it is wonderful! Isn't it? Well, maybe not.

If you only have one best friend what happens when that friendship breaks up? It can be desvastating. Who do you confide in when your best friend lets you down? In many ways a close friendship can be like a love relationship and many of the same rules apply.

Always take time to understand how your friend feels. Friends aren't mind readers (although sometimes it seems as if they are). Don't assume that your friend just "knows" how you feel either. If something your friend has done has upset you, tell them so. Nicely, of course. They may be totally unaware that your feelings have been hurt.

Pay attention to your friend. Friendship is like a plant. If you ignore it, it will eventually die, no matter how much you like it. Compliment your friend. Pat them on the back when they've done something awesome. And never feel jealous of their accomplishments. (If you do feel jealous, then work through the emotion so it doesn't fester. Remember you are special, too.)

Friends should have something in common. Do you both like to read? Talk on the phone? Play games? Shop? It is difficult to keep a friend if you don't like to do something together. Many after school activities are the basis of friendships. I chose my very first friend because of her eye color. Her eyes were green and I had never seen green eyes before! All of my family had brown eyes. But once I told her that she was going to be my best friend, we found out we had many things in common. In fact, we lived less than a mile from each other. Choosing a friend based on eye color is not what I would advise. But having things in common is one of the best ways to keep a friend.

Good friends must be trustworthy. This is where friendship really gets tricky. You need a friend that can keep a secret. And of course, you must also keep their secrets. But if your friend is telling you secrets that other people tell them, you must understand that they are probably telling your secrets to someone else, too. Telling secrets makes some people feel important. But they are not good friend material. Move on to someone who is more worthy of your friendship.

Now that you have read what a good friend should be, ask yourself, "Am I a good friend?" If any of the traits mentioned above don't fit with who you are right now, you need to work on that area. Try to do better. You will attract the type of friend that you are, so become the type of friend that you want to be!!! This is important and misunderstood. Make a list of all of the traits that you want a friend to have. Now be honest with yourself. Do you have these traits yourself? If you don't you will never be able to make and keep a friend who does. So pick some trait from the list that you don't have and begin to change it. Affirmations are an easy way to begin.

Here are some affirmations concerning friendship: