Virtually everyone has memories of being bullied at some point in their life. Sometimes a bully can just be an annoying nuisance but often the consequences can be much more devastating. Children who are victimized by bullies are more likely to experience depression or other psychological problems. They are also more likely to droop out of school.
The actions of a bully can range from name-calling, stealing money, provoking fights, to even more serious harassment. Bullies can create physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. This may not help someone currently being taunted, but bullies generally suffer from very low self-esteem. These children may have been bullied themselves or were the victims of other forms of child abuse. There is usually a great deal of anger and rage hiding inside them just waiting to get out. Their acts of harassment or even violence were sad attempts to make themselves feel better than someone else.
Bullying is similar to other forms of abuse. It involves an imbalance of power. Strangely the bully is actually feeling a sense of powerlessness and tries to feel better about him/herself by taking away the victim's power. And of course there is a lack of compassion or concern for the feelings of the victim.
Understanding why some children are bullies may help you cope a little better if you are a victim of a bully. Some of the traits of a victim are listed below:
This last characteristic is a catch-all category. Some children can be too smart or not smart enough, too fat or too thin. Other victims may dress differently or have a physical abnormality. We try to encourage our children to be unique and different yet this can make them a target for bullies. If you think any of these things may apply to you, you can change them.(Go to the section on self-esteem.) Remember you can't change the bully but you can always change yourself.
Bullies can be male or female. I have noticed that while boys can be cruel, girls can be vicious. They tend to go for
the jugular. I have seen many adolescent girls in tears over false rumors that other girls may be spreading. I would often tell the victim, “She’s just jealous because you are so cute and smart.” One girl replied, “Well, I don’t think I’m cute or smart anymore. They are destroying that in me.” Frankly that’s the name of the game. That is their objective--to tear someone else down so they can feel better about themselves. When you begin to doubt or dislike yourself, they have won. Don't let that happen.
Chronic victims are emotionally vulnerable. If they already suffer from low self-esteem, the effects are escalated. They may suffer from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and a few may even commit suicide.
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