Anger is a basic human emotion. It is the result of the thoughts you think. If you think angry thoughts often enough, you become an angry person. But what exactly is anger?

According to Webster's School Dictionary, anger is defined as "a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism." Rage is defined as "a loss of self-control from violence of emotion." Many times we confuse anger with rage. Anger is normal and can actually be a positive emotion when we learn to channel it correctly. Anger can be used to make beneficial changes within self or the world. Rage is usually destructive by its very definition.

Parents should be able help their child to feel and recognize anger. Otherwise they will never know when someone had taken advantage of them, hurt them, or invaded their territory. Anger is a preliminary survival signal that danger may be lurking. The key is to recognize anger, understand it, work through it (or use it to make improvements), and then let it go.

Angry outbursts are generally used by children because they work. Anger is used to manipulate people. It may seem to be an easy way to get what they want. But as a child grows into an adult, this anger may turn into rage and violence. If children have never learned any other way to get along in the world, anger becomes the preferred emotion. It is effective because it works. But they may begin to view the entire world through a lens of anger. This is when it really becomes destructive.

Interestingly enough, you may not even like the way you are behaving, but you continue to use anger because it seems to work. It may be the way your parents react to problems. When parents model this behavior to you, it is very difficult for you change. But to be a successful adult, you must deal with your anger.

Children should never be forbidden from expressing anger. This teaches children that repressing emotion is the only way to cope. This is not true. It is a very unhealthy, destructive way to cope. Eda LeShan (1985) cites several different outcomes which may occur when a person repeatedly represses anger.

1) They may begin to repress all emotion, even love.
2) The anger may turn inward and attack the self in a variety of psychosomatic illnesses such as migraines, asthma, vomiting, etc.
3) They may begin teasing other children or tattling.
4) They may become the school bully.
5)Depression may be a sign of repressed anger. "Sad may cover mad."
6) The anger may result in an "accident prone" personality. (It is not OK to hit other people, so we allow ourselves to be hit.)

If any of these characteristics apply to you, you have a problem with anger. Remember that anger can be a positive emotion when it is understood and channeled correctly. But how do you "understand" anger?

First, learn to identify the angry feelings as they begin to form. (Angry feelings are always preceded by angry thoughts.) Our bodies usually know we are angry even before we do. Some people feel anger first in the pit of their stomach. Others feel an angry flush begin in their face. There may be a sense of energy (adrenalin) coursing through the body.

The next step is to focus on why the anger is forming. Did someone say something or do something to trigger the anger? Or did you not get your way? Did you lose a game or an argument? Did a friend betray you? If you really ask yourself what is going on, an underlying emotion may rear its ugly head. LeShan feels that anger is often a smoke screen for other feelings. Sometimes anger is really masking fear, insecurity, frustration, jealousy, humiliation, guilt or worry. Have you ever been worried because someone was late or didn't call when they said they would? All sorts of horrible fantasies of accidents cross your mind. When the person finally comes home, instead of showing relief (which is what you really feel) anger becomes the emotion of the moment. You may yell, "Where have you been? You could have called!" The anger you are now projecting is actually masking the worry you were feeling. Knowing that anger may be covering an underlying emotion will help you get to the true root of the problem. Only then can it be solved.