Once you understand the anger and hopefully the source, the
last step is to let go of it. Some people are able to cry out the
emotion. (Researchers have proven that tears actually contain a poison. So when you cry you may be helping your body stay healthy!) Many use journal writing (which I find very therapeutic) to
release the anger. There is an actual transfer of emotional energy from you to the paper when you write! But others have not developed socially acceptable ways
of releasing anger. Physically releasing anger is often very effective.
Several methods are listed below:
Younger children
Adolescents and teenagers
Never confront someone when you or they are still angry. Take a time-out
(adults, too) and go somewhere to calm down. Do some of the activities
listed above. But always try to work though the anger first. Then
identify the original problem. When everyone has calmed down, try to
solve the real problem. Don't dwell on the angry episode.
Remember that anger can actually be a positive emotion. You are
not "bad" when you get angry. Being able to
express anger is much better than repressing it. But the goal for which
to strive is to eliminate many of our angry thoughts so we can stop
viewing the world from a position of anger.
If the entire family has a problem expressing their anger
constructively, counseling may be in order. When your parents have issues with
anger, it stands to reason your entire will also develop problems. Many
researchers blame heredity but I feel that environment is extremely
important. The behavior a child sees exhibited before the age of five
becomes subconsciously ingrained and much harder to change. If, as an
adult, the parent hasn't learned anger management skills, you
probably won't either without some serious intervention.
When issues of anger are not addressed early, they can lead to long
term problems. Unmanaged anger has been linked to low IQ scores and
discipline problems at school. It has also been linked to drug and
alcohol abuse, family violence, criminal acts and health problems. An
outburst of chronic anger is physically accompanied by a large rise in
blood pressure (Williams & Williams, 1992). Anger has been scientifically
proven to be a toxin to the human body. There is also some evidence that
the immune system may actually be weaker in hostile people. These people
tend to be at higher risk of dying from coronary disease and various types
of cancer. There also tends to be higher levels of smoking, overeating,
and alcohol consumption among this group of adults.
According to Daniel Goleman (1995), for most alcoholics or drug
abusers, the beginnings of the addiction pattern can be traced to the
teenage years. By the time students leave school, more than 90 percent
have tried alcohol, but only about 14 percent became alcoholics; of
millions who experiment with cocaine, less than 5 percent become addicted.
The reason for such a wide variation between usage and addiction may be
related to anger management.
One current theory is that habitual users (abusers) are using these
substances as a medication, a way to soothe feelings of anxiety, anger, or
even depression. In a study of four hundred patients being treated for
heroin addiction, the prevalent emotional pattern was a lifelong
difficulty handling anger (Goleman, 1995). In a survey of several hundred
seventh-and eighth-grade students, those who reported high levels of
emotional distress went on to have the highest rates of substance abuse.
Those most vulnerable to addiction seem to find an instant way to calm
emotions that have troubled them their entire life.
Surveys such as this prove useful because they demonstrate that these
students have significant deficits in basic academic, social and
self-management skills. Reducing the misbehavior is only a temporary fix.
If these students do not have their basic deficits remediated, then they
will revert back to their basic emotional and anger management methods,
which clearly do not work (Rhode, Jenson, & Reavis, 1992).
Problems with anger management clearly cause lifelong difficulties.
Learning to handle your anger is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.